You are not a victim!
Dwelling in your pain and moving over from one to the other stage of grief, there comes a time when you have realized the causes of your despair, and you start looking for someone to put that entire blame on. You might also consider yourself responsible for what has happened. The blame game, be it on your own self or some other person, would only add to your misery and increase your adversity. You will start developing feelings of hatred and despair or would go into a phase of self-pity. Either way, it would tarnish your self-esteem, shatter your confidence and would make you a metaphor of hopelessness and grief.
Self-pity is just another phase of the denial and grief. You feel it as kind of a refuge, a hideout to run in, to escape your misery. You start feeling as if life has been unfair to you, and that you alone are the victim to suffer from the worst of life and that you would not be able to get back up again, you think that this is what has been destined and that you can’t change your fate and that this is how life is and you will forever dwell in your pool of misery and grief. You start to come at peace with this grief and, eventually, turn out to be your first step to an ironic selfdeath.
Whatever is it that you have been through, no matter if it was a relationship that did not work or a career setback or an academic fail, you are more than all adversities combined. You are enough for yourself and whatever happened, it happened and you could not make it work out the other way even though you tried your best. So, now that you admit that you did put your best efforts in and could not have done anything more, you should just step over all these prickly regrets that have been bubbling in your mind. You are not a victim; you are a survivor.
“Self-pity is the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical disorders. It is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.” – John W. Gardner
Written by Stephen Egegbara in his book The Secret To A Happy Life.